J.A.M

Sunday 16 June 2013

Friday 7 June 2013

For as long as i remember I've been the chameleon - the one who bounced from groups of acquaintances with no concrete friendship. I've had the world wind friendship where I've been friends with 1 person lived life to the full then some how or another it would fizzle out to barely a glance in the street.
I have very much been the happy dog to society,wagging my tail and eyes full of excitement and loyalty but its seems to have got me nowhere in the friendship department.
Now 21 with a young child living on my own terms I'm not much further along in life if anything i would say i have less people i would consider friends but merely people i know.
The problem i have is a lot of people force friendship especially if your from a small town,rather than finding people who are like minded and have the same interest.More time people will result to people they've known over the years with forced basis.
Maybe that's where I'm going wrong?
I don't see the point in trying to fit in anymore
But have i decided this too late in the cycle?

Thursday 18 April 2013

J.A.M'S Jam of the week!

Follow producer Spooky on twitter @SpartanSpooky & let him know where you heard this song and hear more of his music at www.soundcloud.com/spookybizzle

Wednesday 17 April 2013

My brother the devil .....

My Brother the Devil is a 2012 British film written and directed by Sally El Hosaini. It has won multiple awards, including at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival and at the 2012 Berlin International Film Festival.

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My brother The Devil is a captivating film which tells the story of a gang member who struggles to hide his sexuality as well as being a good role model to his younger brother. Set in the urban backdrop of London's brixton this films covers a new side that no other urban film has. Whilst your average Urban film consists of gang crime, drugs, and struggle M.B.T.D has a very refreshing approach . For instance a different minority has been introduced as the main family of this film are Egyptian which is very refreshing . Although the urban basics are understandably sourced through the film Sally El Hosaini has done a brilliant job of incorporating homosexuality in such a raw setting. This is a must see.

Controversial enlightening and about time!

Tuesday 12 March 2013

BE HONEST TO YOUR CHILDREN , FOR THEY HOLD THE KEY TO THE FUTURE

The world of feeling is unpredictable, confusing, and hard to control. That is the nature of feeling. . . . Some people are fortunate enough to grow up in families that teach that it is all right to experience feelings and tell the truth about them. Many families — perhaps most — teach their children strategies that become problems for us later.

-- GAY AND KATHLYN HENDRICKS,

From as early as being 4 years old i have been emotionally suppressed. Both parents have been religious but whilst they had been drumming the fear of god into my innocent brain they weren't so innocent of ''practicing Catholics'' themselves. Yeah they went to church but dad liked to sniff coke and gamble and mum being very young and from a dysfunctional broken family herself was more interested in going out and being the interest of whatever hot guy was around at the time.

But apart from religion i grew up with a unrealistic look on society don't get me wrong i have some very good memories but their not necessarily that great, their just memories Ive made more attractive to my adult mind than they actually were.

I can remember exactly the day my life went from being jaded and esthetically pleasing , it was 14/2/2000 exactly a week after my grandad died . And that was it - that's when i started to become emotionally detached . Gone were the days of being the spoilt grand daughter with a cheeky attitude and a unrealistic view on every human around me.

A few years later when i became a young adult was when i became the chief babysitter for my sisters, cleaner, lack of encouragement with no routine to my life whatsoever.

So what im saying is, has emotional suppression and lack of life skills set me up for failure?

They say you make all your mistakes with your first child - is that the case was i the prototype because i was the first child?

Either way the older ive got the harder and more resentful i am about the lack of things required for the beginning of a child's life.

I never felt like i wasn't loved or cared for before the ages of 15 but now i feel angry and damn right robbed of a chance.

Luckily im not the sort that will turn to heroin or prostitution... THANK GOD, well not really.

Tuesday 29 January 2013

New Beginings... with the help of music,film & a few realistic quotes

After 4 months of being down and out i decided that its time for me to teach myself about myself. My problem has been like i have said before that I'm not really sure who i am anymore - a lose of identity. I'm one of those people that can shell out bullet proof advice for every man and his dog without judgement but refuse to take any advise from others, usually because its half hearten bullshit that people reiterate to any one of there friends or family members in a time of need. So Ive decided to fix the problem myself, be my own teacher..... teach myself about myself.